Who: Basic Instinct
Pick-up method: I was about to get onto the tram and had moved aside so that BI, an elderly woman, could exit. As she stepped onto the platform, she began to stumble. BI then reached out and grabbed my breast (because, clearly, when losing your balance your first instinct is to grab the breast nearest you for support). When the danger had passed, though, she was still holding on. I looked down at her confusedly and she smiled while murmuring an apology. However, BI did not loosen her grip at this point either. I pulled her hand off my chest myself, wished her a good day, and continued on my journey.
Why I won’t be sleeping with you: I understand that I have large breasts, and that my bra is quite supportive… but, really, my shoulder is probably sturdier. Not only that, but it is also a more acceptable place on someone’s body to make first physical contact. I appreciate that you are a confident, independent woman who loves making the first move, but just because you see a lot of “direct” methods on those music-type videos kids these days are watching doesn’t mean those methods are used in real life with any degree of success. A simple “hello” is timeless and should serve you just fine.
Who: Wine & Dine
Pick-up method: I exited the bathroom stall in the shopping centre’s public restroom and proceeded to wash my hands. At the next sink was a middle-aged woman, W&D, looking through her bags from the grocery store. She pulled out a bottle of wine (of which a third had already been consumed) and took a big swig. W&D then smiled at me, said there was no point in waiting to get home to drink it, and offered me the bottle. I graciously declined her offer, and she insisted I stay there with her, in the public restroom, to drink.
Why I won’t be sleeping with you: I am definitely a fan of unconventional dates; I don’t even mind a lack of cleanliness if it’s part of the fun. But, somehow, drinking in a place where hundreds of people expel their waste each day, while that is actually happening, isn’t my idea of a good time. Besides, with all the strangers coming and going (in every sense of those words), I think we’d feel constantly interrupted… that kind of atmosphere just doesn’t do it for me, sorry. Points for resourcefulness, though.
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