One dozen free-ranging and organic bad eggs

And now for entry number twelve... We've reached the cliché dirty dozen. And what an unclean group of encounters it has been...


Who: Help Wanted
Pick-up method: I was walking home one evening when I sensed someone walking closely behind me. I walked a bit faster, and so did he. Soon, HW was walking right beside me and said hello. I pretended to not hear him (thanks to my iPod), but he persisted. I told him I didn’t speak much French. HW then asked if I was from Spain. I told him I wasn’t. He then asked about why I was in France, if I was a student, etc. I answered his questions, as I couldn’t think of a way to get rid of him and, to be honest, speaking to him was good practice (this might make me a bad person). HW eventually said he thought we should have a coffee at his home to “discuss [my] life.”
Why I won’t be sleeping with you: To be honest, the prospect of “discussing my life” with a complete stranger is slightly intimidating. It’s bad enough to have had to justify my existence and life path during the PhD application process; I don’t fancy having to do it all over again during what should be a casual social experience. It’s one thing if that is the course the conversation takes naturally, but having that sort of expectation is just forcing emotional intimacy. This will only lead to an interview-like atmosphere… and if I pass said interview, I’m pretty sure that any physical contact with you that I’d earn would not be equivalent to a good health care package, decent salary, and sign-on bonus.

Who: Soundtrack
Pick-up method: While turning a corner I almost walked into ST. I apologised and he said hello. I smiled and went on my way. ST then called after me and started making a sucking/kissing noise with his mouth.
Why I won’t be sleeping with you: The noises people make while performing or enjoying sex acts are hilarious enough, but if you make strange (read: unpleasant and sloppy) noises while merely soliciting these acts I can only imagine the sounds you’d emit while in action. I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to contain my laughter. I’d thereby break your spirit, and the only further sound in the room would be the quiet whisper of disappointed sighs.